When I first saw this high-waisted halter swimsuit in floral print on Choie’s, I knew that I had to buy it. Within moments of seeing it, I had it in my cart, ready to check out. Why, you might ask? Three words: high waisted floral. I am a sucker for both of these things. I love the idea of anything really high-waisted because not only is it a sexy vintage trend that is so timeless that it keeps coming back into style, but it is also very flattering for many body types, even the curvier ones. I also love florals (as I’ve already explained in past posts) because they are so bright, girly, and fun. I chose navy just because I love the elegance that navy brings to any outfit. I decided to shoot at Big Falls because, well, it’s just gorgeous there. I think we spent more time gawking at how gorgeous the falls were, than actually doing the fashion shoot itself.
*deep breath* So, as I’ve mentioned before to you all, this is one of the toughest posts I’ve had to do thus far on “Lilacs&Lace”. The reason why it is is because of my body image issues.
I know, everyone really has some form of issue with their body, no matter how thin, pretty, or perfect they are. But, with me, it’s always been my weight, specifically my thighs and stomach. Ever since middle school, I’ve been self-conscious about my weight. I remember looking at my stomach in the mirror, and no matter how hard I tried, I always thought negatively about my body. My weight was never what I wanted it to be, despite weighing only 117-120lbs, having a healthy BMI reading, and having countless reassurances from other people. When it wasn’t my stomach not being completely flat, it was my thighs being too big. In my mind, I wanted to be like the Victoria’s Secret models that I see so often in the magazines and on the runway. Even now, I follow other fashion blogs, as well as beauty queens and other beautiful women on social media, and I think, “why are they so perfect? I wish I had their body…” I have even made attempts to get better by telling my therapist about it, but to no avail. I find myself oftentimes checking food labels, comparing the big aspects of what I’m putting in my body, such as fat, sodium, carbs, and calories.
But, don’t worry, I’m not going to depress you all too much. I feel that I am making progress by posting this post, because it helps me realize that no one is perfect, not even those models. Everyone has things that they don’t like and would change when it comes to their bodies. Sure, my body isn’t the best, but it is my body, and I accept it. Yes, I don’t have the perfect, flat, hourglass figure, but those bumps near my hips are my femur and hip bones, they are supposed to be there. Though I still have a long way to go, I know that someday, I will be completely happy with my body, as long as I take good care of it, exercise a lot, and try to change the way I look at myself, from a negative light to one more positive.
P.S. This shoot was also really hard because I stupidly chose the wrong route to take while crossing from the shore to where the falls were, near a sandbar. It caused both Mackenzie and I to end up with lots of bruises and scrapes, as well as our camera getting wet (don’t worry- it wasn’t damaged at all!). After correcting ourselves and choosing the actual route where people actually go (I hadn’t been to Big Falls in years, so I forgot, and Mackenzie had never been there before), we made it to the falls safe and sound!
Thanks for reading!